Some people have got minds which can comprehend mathematical concepts as if it were second nature. Some people have the love and patience to be kindergarten teachers. Some people marry and divorce 4 times, but still believe in love enough to get married a fifth time. Some people write lots of novels because they have alternate realms in their minds. Some people have the wires crossed in their brains and can't function in "normal" society. Some people are successful in their work but suck at their personal lives. Some people are successful in their personal lives but suck at their work.
I've been told many a time that it is the vast variety of personalities which make human society so great. I've been told to just be confident and happy with who I am, no matter what anyone else thinks. I've been told to seek my own happiness by doing whatever makes me alone happy.
And just when I think I've figured it, I am in a new situation or meet a new person who stirs up trouble in my happy little head. The trouble is that everything and everyone has positive and negative attributes. Sometimes even that which I love is that which frustrates me.
What do you get up for each day? What drives you forward? Christin said that looking forward to a concert a month in the future inspires her. For some people it is the hope that a new situation or place will make life more exciting. For students it is often the goal of finishing the semester. For 9-5 workers it is looking forward to Friday.
I used to think that I was a cold-hearted, mean person. But, I hate being mean. I feel incredibly awful when I am mean. So, although sometimes I am a little cruel, I think that in comparison to most other people, I am actually incredibly nice! And this is why I now think that I don't deserve the cruelty others impose upon me, even when they are "just joking".
Here's some questions which can probably be found as the titles of articles on internet magazine websites, but which trouble me.
How do you make friends?
How do you start a conversation?
What topics are actually interesting in a conversation?
What controls a conversation: what you want to say or what you think the other person wants to hear?
How do you end a conversation (without using a lame excuse)?
How do you numb yourself to everything in the world which hurts and just focus on the positive, the productive, the good?
I tried hiding from the world by continuing to sleep this morning even after I wasn't tired, but all I got for my efforts were frightening dreams (a lizard stabbed his fangs through my comforter!!!!)
Senior year at Calvin College was such a great year. I had friends in my apartment, friends in the apartment next door, and friends in my classes. I felt loved.
People might think that I'm full of confidence and happiness because of my over-compensating personality, but I'm really just reaching out for any fish which will bite (Okay, not just any fish because my cruel side has had to show its face a couple of times for unwanted friendships. I totally believe that I'm allowed to be picky.). I just have to figure things out in a short time period cause I only got 2 years this time.
People tell me that we are all in the same boat and feeling the same way. If this is true, then why doesn't it feel like it? Why does it feel like the person I am talking to is judging me in a negative way? Why does it feel like the person I am talking to isn't really listening and doesn't care about what I am saying? How do I know if someone wants to talk to me if I am the one who approaches and starts the conversation? How do I shift my fake confidence to real confidence?
This blog entry has been inspired by many people, which might even include you, so please comment with your most truthful and personal responses.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Wow. I guess we are really getting into your head. I, personally, think you are being way too hard on yourself. I think you lack self-confidence (which you may get from me) and you are too judgemental about yourself *also which you probably get from me). Everyone is an individual. Everyone is different. Some people are introverts, some extroverts, shy, outgoing, really smart, average, and not so smart. Some people like being really busy and involved, some like to lay low and just observe. Some people are great conversationalists and great at starting conversations. Some of us are not at all good at it. (So don;t ask me for advise on good conversations and starting them or keeping them going. Not one of my good points at all) I could go on and on. But I don't think I need to. You get thet picture. You are fine the way you are. Not everyone and everything people do or say or are is going to please you. And that's OK, b/c not everything you do or say is going to please them. But that's what makes the world go round. Everyone is unique. God made us similar and different. It would be really boring if we were all the same; booorrrinnnggg. Like robots.
ReplyDeleteDon't try to please others. Just be yourself. If people like the "real" you, they will hang around you, invite you to join them, etc. If they don't like what they see in you, they won't. And that's OK b/c they may be just the people you might not really enjoy being with either if you ended up forcing yourself to make them want to be with you, by being someone you really aren't. And then it's not only not relaxing, but it's very hard to keep up false appearances.
Just be whoever you really are. I think if you do that and not "fake" yourself into someone you aren't, just to please others or try to be the perosn you think they want you to be, you will make friends and acquaintances naturally and enjoy being with those people. Try it. You might find that the people you end up closest to are just right for you. Forget the rest.
Just my viewpoint.
P.S. It's really hard to make deep, long lasting relationships in 2 years. Make some good acquaintances and see where that leads. Good luck.