Yup, I'm "one of them"

You know those foreigners you meet who seem to speak your language pretty well...except for that one word which they always seem to say wrong?

Yup, I'm one of them.

In English we have the word "when" and we use it in multiple situations. Take the following examples.

1) When I saw the ghost appear, I froze in horror.

2) When will you arrive?

The first sentence uses "when" in an if/when sort of way, whereas the second sentence uses "when" in questioning time.

German has two different words for these two different situations.

1) Wenn...
2) Wann...

My apartmentmate Steffi pointed out to me last week that I typically say "wann" for both sentences 1 and 2. Since notifying me about this fact, she has been policing my mouth. I am trying so hard to remember to say the correct word, but it is really astounding how frequently I still say "wann" when I should be saying "wenn". The stupid thing about it is that "wenn" is pronounced a lot more like "when" than "wann" is pronounced like "when", so my mouth should naturally gravitate towards the sound that is closer to English. (If you are trying to say it outloud for yourself right now, remember that the "w" in these German words is pronounced as a "v" and not a "w".)

I have a possible explanation for my consistent mistake.

There's another pair of words in German which share similar meanings and almost identical spellings which I frequently mix up: "denn" and "dann". Ignoring definitions, let's go straight to the point that "dann" is supposed to be used in most situations and "denn" is reserved for more special occasions. My mistake with this pair is saying "denn" too much. This mistake makes sense with its similarity to English because "denn" sounds a lot like "then" while "dann" sounds a lot like "than". I don't use the word "than" very much in English because it is a comparative words, while the word "then" is frequently used in if/then statements.

"Than" example: My dog is bigger than your dog.
"Then" example: If you are going to the store, then I want to come with you.

So, here's the language problem in its entirety: each pair of words has an "a" option and an "e" option.

wenn, wann
denn, dann

Martin Luther, the father of modern High German, would have been a much better person if he had decided, "Okay, it is the words with the "e" in the middle which should be used in most situations." But no. The "a" and "e" usage is mixed.

wenn, wann
denn, dann

Somehow the brain has to be programmed to remember which situation gets the "a" and which one gets the "e".

This may sound like a personal rant on the German language, but this is actually a common problem for non-native speakers.

...And yet, every time Steffi calls me out on it, the personal frustration grows bigger and bigger and ahhhhhhh. I am "one of them" and I don't like it.